Having a random hookup so left but love u
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
