you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
