It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
