I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
