Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
