I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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