I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
