Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
