it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
