Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
