no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
