Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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