did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
