i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
