I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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