Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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