Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
