I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
