Acid is not a monday night drug
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
