Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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