She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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