david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
