oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize