She's JV to your varsity
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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