Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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