he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
