Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
