He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
