It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
