thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
This baby is an asshole
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
