How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
