if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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