peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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