I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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