so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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