sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
