We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
