i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
