Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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