If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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