she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My balls are so social today.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
