I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The Olympian is in my bed
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
