i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Randomize
