Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
