you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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