Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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