so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
