if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
