I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
