Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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