You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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