Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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