First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
