i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
