I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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