omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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