Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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