My Higher Power is John Stamos
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
