I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Shame - the story of my life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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