lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
