If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Your cock deserves a montage
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
