i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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