I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
