he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
